Archive for September, 2006

Camping and Dying at the whim of a wraith from the 60s…

Friday, September 29th, 2006

Yesterday, the Interweb told me that Bob Woodward said on 60 Minutes that Henry Kissinger has been advising Bush on the Iraq war.

Woodward…Kissinger…war…the analogy is finally and ironically and appropriately complete! It would make me cry if it didn’t make me laugh.

Hey, if anybody wants to go camping somewhere in the woods (enchanted Rock) on SaturdaySunday, give me a holla. I’m thinking of bringing soome droogs.

By which, of course, I mean Russian friends.

Pictures of the skyline

Thursday, September 28th, 2006

I posted some pics I took from my balcony at work, which I still haven’t gotten naked on. :(

i am a geek…

Tuesday, September 26th, 2006

…excerpted from a review of a white paper that I wrote today:

…”differentiated” sounds to me like it should be “separate”. I can’t make differentiated make sense in this context; don’t get me wrong–I like differentiated. It’s the only verbed adjective I’ve ever seen, unless you count “individuated,” and I don’t, because really individual is just a noun with pretensions of adjectivity…

Yeah, I laughed. I did. I laughed.

Saturday, September 23rd, 2006

Hey, check out this guy making fun of people making fun of his video.


How to build a paper tiger

Thursday, September 21st, 2006

Somebody posted this to my bulletin board a few days ago, entitled “something to think about.” Well, I thought about it, and here’s what I think:

something to think about

Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes.

He stays up for days on end.

Why the hell is he staying up for days on end? Not a very smart way to run an army, if you ask me. And, as it turns out, that’s not how they run ours. Correction: Apparently they do run it that way sometimes. Stupid army.

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.

He goes days or weeks without running water.

Yeah, much like the Iraqis around him. Must suck to live in the desert. I say we tell ‘im to come home.

You complain of a “headache”, and call in sick.

He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.

Yeah, it’s truly a grueling, dangerous, and largely thankless job. The U.S. government sure hasn’t been doing a lot of thanking, what with the G.I. Bill and veteran’s benefits cutbacks, and the lack of that stuff…what is it, keeps you from getting hit…oh yeah, armor.

You put on your anti war/don’t support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.

He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.

What the fuck? Where the fuck can you buy an “don’t support the troops” shirt?!!??!!! Even if you could, would you? Do you know anybody who says not to support the troops? ‘cuz I don’t, and I don’t know hardly anybody in favor of this war.

This is a rhetorical device commonly referred to as “slinging your own shit on your enemies so you can claim they stink.”


You make sure you’re cell phone is in your pocket.

He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.

…and makes damn sure his cell phone is in his pocket, as well. How do you think soldiers call for support in this day and age?

You talk trash about your “buddies” that aren’t with you.

He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.

Yeah, yeah, I know I just love to sit around and talk shit about them brave soldiers getting themselves blown up for practically no goddamned reason at all. Sure. My favorite way to spend Saturday night. Ask anybody.

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.

He walks the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.

…or would, if we provided enough troops to allow him to do so. Mostly, from what I hear, our soldiers stay in their green zones or FOBs to stay (relatively) safe. My only complaint about this war bigger than the fact that we’re waging it is that we’re waging it half-assed and on the cheap so voters don’t get upset when their son gets drafted or their taxes go up $500 a year.

You complain about how hot it is.

He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.

Yep, must suck to be a soldier in the desert. I say we bring ‘em home.


You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He doesn’t get to eat today.

Funny, the one thing every guy ever in the army has ever told me is that you get plenty of food. If that’s not the case, then I suggest we immediately start sending enough food over there to feed the troops. Get Sally Fields on that shit.

This one’s particularly stupid to me.

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.

He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.

Maid!!?!? Fucking Maid?!?! Now I know this was written by a Republican.

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He doesn’t have time to brush his teeth today.

Everyone should make time to brush their teeth. Dental hygeine is important! And for the record, I do my hair standing naked in my bath tub. You could get in trouble trying that in a mall.

You’re angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.

He’s told he will be held over an extra 2 months.

Yeah, and if an officer or possessing a needed skill, maybe a lot more! Hell, I’d sacrifice some of my time or money to make sure that wasn’t necessary, but no one is asking me to, or even giving me the opportunity. I’d go fight in the war, ‘cept I never believed in the goddamned thing to begin with.


You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.

He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.

What the fucking hell does this have to do with anything? Plus, I don’t have a girlfriend. Now taking applications, though.


You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.

He holds his letter close and smells his love’s perfume.

Yeah, this is the same tired old shit we’ve hit up with at least three other things on this list, and as irrelevant to anything as they are.

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.

He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they’ll ever meet

I don’t roll my eyes as babies cry. I contemplate murdering them, maybe, especially during movies, but no eye rolling. Again we see a cynical attempt to tug the ol’ heart strings in service of a political agenda.

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.

Ummm….so that’s why he’s fighting? Is that why we sent him over there? ‘Cuz I don’t remember that being the reason we sent them over there. It was weapons of mass destruction. Or it was fighting them there so we don’t have to fight them here. Wait, maybe this writer is talking about the part where we were going to keep Saddam’s Sunni Baath party from slaughtering Kurds. But…wait a minute…now we’ve got the Sunnis killing Shiites, not Kurds. Also we’ve got the Shiites killing the Sunnis…Because we’re definitely on the Shiite…no wait…Sunni….huh.

I must just be confused. I’m sure this guy knows why it is this anonymous soldier is fighting. I sure don’t.

Plus, there are plenty of people around who think that a well-placed war solves a lot of thing. This just isn’t a well-placed war.

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.

He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.

Yeah, yeah, me and my pinko commie liberal buddies, we like to sit around on the weekends and make fun of soldiers. Sure. I mean, there must be somebody that does that. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met anybody who does though. Have you?

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He sees the broken bodies lying around him.

Sure. I mean, you could never get the story straight from the horse’s mouth, could you?

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don’t.

He does exactly what he is told.

Important quality to have in soldiers, I’m told. cf. Charge of the Light Brigade.

You stay at home and watch TV.

He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.

…and Play his XBox 360, watch Venture Brothers on his iPod, post to his blog, etc., etc. Soldiers at the front are at the forefront of communications technology, out of a lot of waiting and some necessity. If you don’t believe me, go to their blogs and ask ‘em. Not that this is any more relevant to anything at all than what this guy wrote. It’d be hard not to be, though.


You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.

He crawls under a tank for shade and a 5 minute nap, only to be woken by gunfire.

Underneath tanks: good for gunfire, bad for sleeping.


You sit there and judge him, saying the world is probably a worse place because of men like him.

If only there were more men like him!

Again, putting your own dumb words in other peoples’ mouths. When was the last time you heard people sitting around talking shit about U.S. soldiers? Never, in my experience. At least not any I didn’t know.

If you support your troops, send this to everyone you know,

If it gets to another veteran, it will bring back memories.

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,

Jesus Christ and the American G. I.

One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

Okay, but who do I have to kill to get free blow jobs for life?*

And Now for Something Completely Different

Photos of Caltrain and a pimp mall where I used to live.  My photos must suck. I think it’s because I posted all those memories-type photos that weren’t interesting. I’ve got 8363 photostream views, but very few actual photo views.

*–yes, yes, crude and uncalled for, I know, I know.

Willie Nelson

Sunday, September 17th, 2006

I saw Willie play last night at ACL, so that’s one more thing I can scratch off my list of things to do before I die.
It was awesome. He played a couple of new songs.

I can see on the left that somebody already looked at my blog this morning. Shame on you–nobody should be surfing the web this early on a Sunday morning. Shouldn’t even be awake. What kind of friend of mine are you?

Notwithstanding the fact that I am, of course, doing both of these things, but I was woke up* and offered a ride home in a tone of voice that brooked no refusals

OH–and Chris found my remote in the chair. Hooray Chris!

*–yeah, was awakened. I know. But there are certain words you just cain’t say if you’re from Texas, and a-wak-ened is one of them.


Sunday, September 17th, 2006

Making people stand in lines is a great way to kill them all at once.

Last day of ACL. I saw Matisyahu (awesome), The Flaming Lips (totally awesome), and Tom Petty (awesomely tubular). The sky opened up part way through Tom Petty, but we’d already heard a lot of classics he opened up with, so we made a run for it. Given that our car was a mile away, this didn’t help much.

The downpour was preceded by a lightning and a stiff, cool wind that did ole Tom no ill favor in the drama department, and earlier in the day the sky was painted with clouds so pretty I wanted to abandon here for there. Then again, I always do. My problem is I can’t fly, and would therefore probably very quickly and fatally abandon there for here in turn.

So that was the weekend. I saw Thievery Corporation, and Willie Nelson. They both made my ears happy.

It’s been a good weekend. I feel better.

Before I go to sleep, here’s some pictures of a trip to lake Pardee I took with my buddy Jared.

My major life problem in a nutshell…

Friday, September 15th, 2006

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

-Groucho Marx

This one’s even worse than the last one.

Thursday, September 14th, 2006

I sat in the dark for a week because somehow the locking tab on the bottom of my light switch pad thingy got flipped over to the locked position.

My speakers didn’t work for like a month. Finally I decided to troubleshoot it, and came to the conclusion that the volume on the amp was turned all the way down.

I sometimes suspect I’m not as brilliant as I constantly and extravagantly give myself credit for.

It better not have been somebody watching porn in my room with the volume turned down. I mean, there’s a fucking mute button on the keyboard for fucking hell damn sakes.

I think somebody at the last after party walked off with my super cocksucking remote from the future. Now I have four things in the living room, and remotes for only three of them. Plus, where else am I going to get a hummer from a remote?

I heard from this guy that was there that some guys threw a renegade on the Town Lake pedestrian bridge Saturday night. Just walked up with some speakers, a little generator, two CD tables and a mixer and started spinning house, and a good time was had by all. I wish I hadn’t missed that.

They should do one on the pedestrian bridge that runs under MoPAC, over by Deep Eddy.

I’m going to ACL tomorrow, but don’t know how I’m going to pay my electric bill. I hope they don’t cut it off tomorrow; that way I’ll have ’til Monday. I can always make things work if I’ve got a weekend to do it in.

Not worth the time you spent waiting for it to load.

Thursday, September 14th, 2006

Both shepherds and wolves depend on a world full of sheep.