If Tom™ and his friends at the FBI were really worried about MonkeyMan935 raping and killing you, they’d just have a program alert them whenever a similar nickname popped up, record the IP address it was last accessed from, contact the ISP to translate to a physical address, and then go to that place and arrest him/her. They would not send a bulletin around MySpace that would only scare the guy off and make him harder to find. Any bulletins you receive that say otherwise are just hoaxes designed to generate lots of calls to the poor schmuck at the phone number invariably included at the bottom. Same thing for Timmy and his goddamned puppy in Biloxi, Mississippi or wherever.
If Tom™ wanted you to know who had been visiting your profile, he™’d put a link on your home page that said something like “Profile Activity”, or just make the number of profile views on your home page a link with that information. He wouldn’t ask you to post it to your bulletin board, because there’d be no point in it.
If Tom™ were going to delete unused accounts, he™ wouldn’t need to have people post a grammatically-challenged message to their bulletin board–they’d just use the same thing you use when you want to know the last time somebody logged in, i.e., the “Last Login” date on the profile.
As a matter of fact, Tom™, or, more accurately, Rupert Murdoch, knows everything about you, or at least everything that touches MySpace. Tom™ knows how old you are, where you live, what movies and books you like, what God you believe in, what your hobbies are, your marital status, how much money you make, whether you smoke, drink, have children, want children, where you went to school and when, where you’re from, who your friends are and how many you have, along with all this other information about them as well. He™ knows whose blog you read and how often, and who reads yours and for how long, what bulletin board messages you read, whose profiles you browse.
Tom™ knows who your Internet Service Provider is, what operating system and web browser you use (and it should be Firefox), how often and what time you get on the net (or at least, check out MySpace) and how many hours you spend there*, and how many different MySpace customers use your computer.
It’s a pretty safe bet Tom™ runs your About Me section and blogs through Bayesian and keyword filters to learn additional things about your from your writing style and the words you write. He™ looks for filters you score high on, then determines the ads with the highest click-through rates from people who also scored high on those filters (or had other similarities to you, based on the vast quantity of other information Tom™ has about you), and then shows you those advertisements, in the hope that you’re more likely to click on them.
For instance, I’ll bet there are people out there who get MySpace ads for something besides scantily-clad teenagers on the True™ dating service, but that’s all I get, because I’m a 32-year-old single male who doesn’t have children and hasn’t decided if he wants to have any. I’ll bet the cool kids all get ads for fucking Fox sitcoms or some shit.
If I might meander back to my point, the next time you get a bulletin telling you need to repost something to send a message to, or get a service from, Tom™ and his crack team of MySpace info-goons, remember this: it’s bunk. They already know everything they need to know, and they routinely send you messages on your home page. They knew you were going to read that bulletin from the second you clicked on the link, far before you actually got around to doing it. There’s no need to forward it.
*–He™ knows when you are sleeping, and knows when you’re awake.